A citizen of a parallel duck universe is transported to Earth–Cleveland, specifically–during a science test gone haywire. A beautiful musician tries to help him get home.
Things that make me uncomfortable about this movie:
It exists
It’s just shy of two hours
I now know that duck breasts only earned a PG rating in the 80’s but human breasts would earn an R
^ I typed that sentence
Rating: 1.0
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Director: Willard Huyck
MPAA: PG
Runtime: 1h 50m
Year: 1986
Alternative(s)
Reason: Fans of Howard are probably familiar with another anthropomorphic being that I loathed.
Amora gets cursed at the very end of All the Stars and Teeth and thinks it’s the worst thing. Even though it’s the most convenient curse that’s ever cursed. And no matter how often people remind her of that, she decides to not listen. And lie to everyone. And run away some more.
All the Tides of Fate did not need to exist. I’m not the first to say it, and I won’t be the last. Please don’t read this.
Rating: 1.0
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Author: Adalyn Grace
Format: Audiobook
Length: 10h 33m
Published: 2021
Alternative(s)
Reason: Since folks like to compare All the Stars and Teeth to Serpent & Dove, let’s slap Book 2 down as the suggestion for this Book 2.
Suggestion: Full disclosure: people hated Blood & Honey. I’m not one of them.
Fans of Shondaland, stay away. Skip this. Do NOT read. Because book Colin & Penelope are terrible people who only deserve each other because of how idiotic they both are. And no, I haven’t seen Season 3 of the show yet so this isn’t hate that “the show was better”. But I bet it is because it literally can’t be worse than this.
Rating: 1.0
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Author: Julia Quinn
Format: Physical
Length: 468 pages
Published: 2002
Alternative(s)
Reason: Bridgerton is a phenomenon of its own, especially given the life Netflix has given it.
I cannot be persuaded that this is a timeless classic. Nor will I accept that this is a superior Austen novel than that of Pride and Prejudice.
Persuasion feels like you got stuck in a corner with Chatty Kathy who innocently asked “Did you hear about Anne and Fred?!” And trying to be polite, you engage. Then she spends the next several hours talking nonstop about conversations she overheard from people you don’t know. By the end you’ll both have forgotten the original question and if there was any point to the ‘conversation’ and to top it all off… you desperately have to pee.
An insufferable teenager performs a series of increasingly stupid acts because she loves her sister that much I guess. They end up at Caraval which is part murder game part fever dream. I’d tell you to come watch them break all the rules and walk into all of the traps but I also want to spare you so… don’t do that.
The blind audacity of a teenager lands him in a truly wild predicament. All because his family and his town assign a stupid amount of blame on him surrounding his psycho dad’s cancer battle and subsequent suicide.
You can’t even root for the whale because it quickly becomes a symbol of his dad in some strange—and failed—attempt at a trauma coping mechanism.
What if a group of American and Russian astronauts were onboard the International Space Station when war broke out on Earth and they were each given orders to take over the other group?
Congratulations. You now know as much as the filmmakers did when they started shooting this movie. No additional thoughts. No writing budget. No test screenings that would’ve revealed the absurd holes they left wide open, including the jolting absence of an ending. Just a group of the dumbest scientists to ever be granted access to the ISS doing the opposite of all the science things.
Trevor is a d*ck with an unhealthy outlook on his PTSD and life and general, despite being in therapy for literally years. Natalie is as intriguing dryer sheet. They’ll meet and fall in insta-love but make it extra weird because we have 350 pages to fill with words. There’s also a subplot about Trevor’s grandfather, honeybees, and a trailer park girl. Please don’t ask.
This is the book that made me realize Nicholas has lost his Spark and I don’t need to read all of his books, regardless of how much I used to enjoy them as comfort reads.
Mare’s fight comes to a grinding halt. (Which only grinds half as much as everyone’s teeth in this universe.) Our new-blooded spitfire is being held in the most laidback version of captivity ever, but spends the entire time complaining about trust issues and trauma and whatever else she can think of. Meanwhile her friends are still doing their own thing like she never left. Which feels like a good place to call it quits on a series if your main protagonist is revealed to be inconsequential to the entire story. And that’s not even a spoiler.
An existential crisis and an intrusive though walk into a bar. They hookup in the bathroom. 9 months later, The Dead Romantics is born.
A ghostwriter who can see ghosts watches her personal and professional worlds collide because ‘plot’. After evading a writing deadline because the subject matter is far too taxing post-breakup [except it’s not], she has to make an unexpected trip home. Luckily, her conveniently attractive new editor shows up ghost-style to keep her company and help her through all sorts of slumps. (<sarcasm)
StoryJenna 