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Bright We Burn

Book 3 of 3.

Lada and Radu couldn’t be further apart. Politically, spiritually, and physically. Lada has taken a throne by force and isn’t playing by any rules. She’s found her taste for blood and will spill it whenever she can. It’s a tactic that has earned her a spot on the wrong side of her former lover, Mehmed. And even though his loyalties still lie with Mehmed, Radu fears for his sister. He’s not sure if she can still be saved, or if she has indeed fallen too far from grace.

Rating: 4.0
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  • Author: Kiersten White
  • Format: Audiobook
  • Length: 11h 19m
  • Published: 2018
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Now I Rise

Book 2 of 3.

Lada is still pursuing a throne of her own with little success. Meanwhile her brother, Radu, has been sent on a mission to Constantinople. His sultan and friend, Mehmed, needs Radu to play double-agent to help the Ottomans secure the city. A dangerous task in its own right, but as Radu lives among the enemy, he learns that they really aren’t so different after all. Especially, the warm and trusting Cyprian who could be the only man that would cure Radu of his unrequited love for Mehmed.

Rating: 4.0
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  • Author: Kiersten White
  • Format: Audiobook
  • Length: 13h 25m
  • Published: 2017
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And I Darken

A pseudo-retelling of Vlad the Impaler. If he was *gasp* a girl! Book 1 of 3.

Lada and her brother Radu are used as pawns in a game of thrones from a very young age. Determined never to be used by anyone ever again, she sets out to make a name for herself. Consequences be damned. Radu takes a different approach. Where his sister is all brute force, Radu believes information is more valuable. Personalities collide when they both end up falling for their childhood friend, now sultan, Mehmed.

Rating: 4.0
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  • Author: Kiersten White
  • Format: Audiobook
  • Length: 13h 27m
  • Published: 2016
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Caraval

An insufferable teenager performs a series of increasingly stupid acts because she loves her sister that much I guess. They end up at Caraval which is part murder game part fever dream. I’d tell you to come watch them break all the rules and walk into all of the traps but I also want to spare you so… don’t do that.

Rating: 1.0
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  • Author: Stephanie Garber
  • Format: Audiobook
  • Length: 10h 36m
  • Published: 2017
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Throne of Glass

The world’s [alleged] best assassin does some unremarkable things while competing for a position of servitude to the evil king. Because why not.

Somehow there are seven more of these.

Rating: 2.0
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  • Author: Sarah J. Maas
  • Format: Audiobook
  • Length: 13h 3m
  • Published: 2012
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King’s Cage

Mare’s fight comes to a grinding halt. (Which only grinds half as much as everyone’s teeth in this universe.) Our new-blooded spitfire is being held in the most laidback version of captivity ever, but spends the entire time complaining about trust issues and trauma and whatever else she can think of. Meanwhile her friends are still doing their own thing like she never left. Which feels like a good place to call it quits on a series if your main protagonist is revealed to be inconsequential to the entire story. And that’s not even a spoiler.

Rating: 1.0
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  • Author: Victoria Aveyard
  • Format: Audiobook
  • Length: 17h 19m
  • Published: 2017
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A Deadly Education

Imagine if the founders of Hogwarts and the School for Good & Evil got together and said “Psh, students don’t need any supervision. We’ll just magic the school itself to keep them in line! I mean, it’ll try to kill them on the daily but they’ll figure it out. Maybe.”

The worlds most annoying teenagers are blessed with magic abilities and spend an entire year forming alliances and rivalries just so they can get into a great clique after they graduate. Our main chick, El, is a jerk to her version of Peeta and speaks in mostly expository inner monologues. I’m honestly shocked this kept my attention at all which is why this is 2 stars instead of 1. Must be magic.

Rating: 2.0
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  • Author: Naomi Novik
  • Format: Audiobook
  • Length: 10h 59m
  • Published: 2020
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Glass Sword

New-blood, Mare Barrow, is still fighting the good fight against oppression and wrongful governance. I mean, she goes about it in a weird way (encouraging children and elders alike to become soldiers against actual soldiers with a very small chance of success). But at least this second installment in the Red Queen series keeps up the plot progression.

Rating: 3.0
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  • Author: Victoria Aveyard
  • Format: Audiobook
  • Length: 14h 39m
  • Published: 2016
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Red Queen

Ultra plain red-bloods serve the magic wielding silver-bloods… until Mare. She’s forced into a very public Beauty & the Beast situation while desperately trying to figure out how she fits in the hierarchy that has kept order for years.

Just don’t ask too many questions about what the actual rules are. Not important.

Rating: 3.0
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  • Author: Victoria Aveyard
  • Format: Audiobook
  • Length: 12h 39m
  • Published: 2015
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The Dead Romantics

An existential crisis and an intrusive though walk into a bar. They hookup in the bathroom. 9 months later, The Dead Romantics is born.

A ghostwriter who can see ghosts watches her personal and professional worlds collide because ‘plot’. After evading a writing deadline because the subject matter is far too taxing post-breakup [except it’s not], she has to make an unexpected trip home. Luckily, her conveniently attractive new editor shows up ghost-style to keep her company and help her through all sorts of slumps. (<sarcasm)

Rating: 1.0
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  • Author: Ashley Poston
  • Format: Audiobook
  • Length: 10h 24m
  • Published: 2022